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First date: I always ask her: May I kiss you?


More than 60 percent of all single people are satisfied with
their lives, but only ten percent of them are convinced singles. What
in search of great love anything can happen, of it
tells the series "It's complicated".

I have to ask before kissing
started after Daria. I met her on Tinder. She took me to the chat
Laugh, even before our first date. Even when we met in a bar
we got along really well, she liked pizza and table tennis, we drank three
Beer. After a few hours we stood outside in the Berlin winter air and
assured us how nice we found it. It's crackling, I thought. I saw her
in the eyes and leaned forward.

Nothing is as bottomless as this moment:
When someone you want to kiss turns away.

"Uh … well, I thought it was very nice with you,
but not in the context, "she said.

"Oh, um, I'm sorry," I said.

"But if you like, we can do it that way
to do something."


We exchanged numbers. I never saw her

That was a few years ago.
Now I ask every woman before I kiss her: "I think it's very beautiful
with you – may I kiss you? "When I was Hannah on our first date
asked, she smiled. "That's interesting. Nobody has ever done that to me
asked, "she said. I told her that I always ask." And how are they
Reactions? "

They can be divided into three groups.
The first: slight irritation. "Yes, but please don't ask next time,"
Jana told me when I asked her. (It became a great kiss. The second time
I didn't ask.) The second group laughs. Miriam was one of them: "Something like that
you don't ask, it will destroy the whole mood! "(Then kissed
me. The atmosphere was great.) The third group is like Hannah: fascinated
and interested. After I told her about my experiences, said
she: "Exciting. Would you like to sit down with me now so we can start?"

The more I asked the question, the more
I realized how great it is – on several levels. Because the best moment of the
Kiss is the tension before it. When it suddenly becomes quiet, even though you are
just excitedly entertained. If it pulls in the chest as if it were between
a rope for me and the other person. When it tingles in the lips and it
becomes warm around the nose.

The question does not destroy the tension, it
extends it. Hannah and I chatted a bit before we kissed –
about the question and reactions. She smiled slyly, I grinned stupidly. We
it took the tingling sensation another two or three sentences.

Later we met more often,
at some point we were in bed with me. And here I noticed that the question is about
does something else to the kiss: it normalizes speaking about lust. Because that
"May I kiss you?" Hannah led me from the bar to "Where should I go?
kissing you? "in bed. And made it easier for me to ask her," How am I supposed to
touch you so you can really enjoy it? "I followed her answers,
and noticed: it's worth it.

I can only advise everyone
to ask before the kiss. Especially women. Because, I also noticed that: As
I don't kiss a man who meets women. Hannah, for example, has
studied, worked, led teams. She drills holes, builds her bed
alone up and know what she wants. But kiss a man? Or him afterwards
ask? NEVER! Too shy. She told me that when I was with her – after
kissing – talked about the question. What I can understand because I have
yes also fear: fear of the no, of the rejection, of the strange
Moment after that. The question is also a sign.

Because even if I give a no as an answer
I know: at least I just didn't do anything wrong.

In fact, I've never had a no
to get. This is not because I only go out with women who want to kiss me. I also went on dates where it wasn't
sparked. I just didn't even ask them. Because I noticed that the question leads me to think more carefully:
Does it really crackle or am I just imagining it? And, more importantly, I want you
kiss at all? In fact, it is extremely rare that one person
mentally already set up the common household while the other one
asks what series she’s gonna bring home on Netflix alone.

My questions actually started out of shame
the failure. But then came some time after my date and that
failed kiss attempt, #MeToo. Since then we have been talking about what to ask
and should say before you touch, get close and before sex.
That it is no longer enough if a woman does not say no. And only yes really means yes.

The question of the kiss is too
Politically: We have known men since #MeToo – maybe many of us for the first time
Times – how many women have experienced sexual violence. Greasy turn on
and unwanted touches are everyday life for almost all women. It is in these
Times with this knowledge, not a matter of course, to ask: May I tell you
to come close?

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